I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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