I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
