Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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