Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
