I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
