I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize