i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
