i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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