Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
