The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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