I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
