I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
