loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
