Your face is a jimmy john
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
