How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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