i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize