she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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