It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
