In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
