fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can vaginas get frostbite?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
