He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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