found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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