We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
