We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
