Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
