your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
