I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
