what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
