The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is it penis luge time yet?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
