hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
