i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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