You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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