She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
