Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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