My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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