I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
