Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
