I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
