I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
