dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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