we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
