Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
