Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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