You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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