I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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