last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
