His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
