im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
