It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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