just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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