Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize