we're blogging at a bar
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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