At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
