I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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