I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
