You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
