Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
