STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
