Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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