apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
