I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
