they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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