Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize