the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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