Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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