I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize