I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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