My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
