I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
