how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
