Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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