Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
