oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
