If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
