Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
