im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
